Feeling like a burden….

You ever feel like you’re being a bother or a burden to someone?  I feel that way more than I’d like to.

Daddy and I talked about it last night. He noticed that my behavior had changed and had asked me why. I ended up telling Him the truth. I told Him that I was trying to back off and give Him some space because I felt like I was being bothersome.

He told me that I was not being bothersome and that I did not need to back off and give Him any space. I said thank you Daddy and we kinda left it alone after that. That right there should have been my first hint that it was going to be my topic today, lol.

I often feel like I’m being a bother, being a burden to someone. I think that’s because of my childhood.  I have very early memories of being told to go do something, to leave them alone, that I was being a bother and a pain in the ass.

It was mainly from my father,  who also told me at a very early age that I was a burden and a waste of air. I grew up always feeling like I was underfoot and just in the way. I remember many times sitting there quietly watching and wanting to say something but not saying anything because I didn’t want to be a bother, a burden. So I just sat there trying to be invisible.

I used to feel like a was a burden to Daddy all the time but not very often now. Not because of anything He ever said or did. Just because of my upbringing.

When He gets busy though that feeling comes back very strongly. I was taught to leave people alone when they’re busy. I know that this summer He’s going to be busy and not have as much time for me so in my mind I was going to be a burden and I needed to back off and give Him space. He, however, said that’s not the case and corrected my thinking.

Daddy says I’m never a bother or a burden  and most of the time I believe Him but occasionally I wonder if He would tell me if I was because He knows how fragile I am about this still. I suppose He would, He’s very truthful about everything else.

There are still times that I don’t talk about what’s going on in my life and don’t share things because I’m worried about being a bother.  I really hate that I’m that way sometimes. I’m a lot better with it thanks to Daddy but those feelings still pop up occasionally…. as our conversation last night and this topic shows, lol.

I don’t want Daddy to look at me like other people have and become a burden. I never want to be a burden to Him. I’m very grateful that He knows me well enough to see when there’s something wrong and then help me through it. That He loves me and wants the best for me and I’m so very grateful that He doesn’t feel like I’m a burden.

 

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