I lost my Daddy this past weekend….

I lost my Daddy this past weekend because of something I did. We’re back together now but I’ll never forget the soul shattering pain of Him being gone. I don’t blame Him at all for leaving.  There’s something I do that He’s worked patiently and tirelessly with me to overcome for two years now. He told me before now that it was something He couldn’t keep going through. Something WE couldn’t keep going through because it hurts us and our relationship each time it happens. I don’t quite know how to explain what I do. I have insecurities that I deal with daily. I have a brat side that when she doesn’t get her way throws temper tantrums but this time she went off the deep end. When I say went off the deep end, I mean it. I trashed my room and self injured myself this past weekend.  Wow,  writing that where anyone can read it, makes me so very ashamed. Daddy has tried everything He can to help me with my insecurities and with brat. When one thing didn’t work, He found other things to try. He’s at His wits end and I understand it. Completely.  Right before this happened I gave Him total control of me. I was beyond happy with this choice. However, I didn’t do something that I now realize I should have. See I have three very distinct sides to myself…..babygirl, little girl, bratty. Daddy recognizes this and gives time to all of them. Babygirl and little girl were estatic that He was taking complete control……I never even thought of bratty. Didn’t give her any consideration at all. She was deeply hurt, which turned to anger, because I didn’t include her. The first thing that didn’t go her way, she blew up. I couldn’t figure out why there was this undercurrent of anger with me, where it was coming from. Couldn’t figure out why a decision He made about something that was in my best interest, set me off so bad. It was brat’s pain at being ignored, cast aside. I set into motion one of the most painful things I’ve ever gone through because I didn’t take the time to recognize and RESPECT all sides of me. Like I mentioned earlier we are back together but now we’re both dealing with the fallout. He’s lost faith in me because I told him I would never lose it again and I did ( this past weekend wasn’t the first time it’s happened). Now one of my biggest insecurities, losing my Daddy, has actually happened. The nightmares from it that I’m having are horrendous. I now know what it feels like to ACTUALLY lose Him…..and I brought it on myself. What’s bad is I realized this past weekend…..that at some point I’d actually started believing He’d never leave me so when He did I was in complete shock and it destroyed me. What’s bad is now I made my worst fear come true and my insecurities of losing Him are off the charts. What’s bad is I can’t go to Him about them because it’s my fault. What’s worse is I brought this on myself. What’s the very worst….. Is I hurt the man that I love most in this world. The man that I respect more than any man I’ve ever met. The man that changed my life for the better. The man, that until this weekend, believed in me. The man that I call My Daddy. I’ll never forgive myself for the things that I have cost us.

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Training….

Daddy’s topic for this blog is how He trained me without me even knowing it, lol.  Which is exactly how it happened. I literally had no idea He was doing it.

Daddy and I have always been kind of lax on protocol. Don’t get me wrong, I do have to address Him in a certain way and follow His rules but other than that, we’re playful and very easy going.  Now with that being said, He still somehow managed to train me.  I’d tell you how but I have no idea how He does it, lol.

In the very beginning I had a lot of issues and needed a lot of work. He knew that with me instead of telling me what He wanted me to do, He would have to teach me what He wanted me to do. I’d learn it better that way.

I was pretty stubborn when we first met but I was no match for Him, lol.  He is literally one of the most stubborn people I’ve ever met which is a really good thing with me, lol.

In training me He taught me the reasons behind why He tells me to do things.  That helps me understand Him more and want to please Him even more.  He’s trained me so that the things that He wants from me have become a part of me and now it’s just second nature.

We often joke about how well He trained me and I didn’t have a clue it was happening until afterwards,lol. Case in point… when I step out of line. I can be a bratty baby girl and sometimes  I will cross the line without realizing it.  All He has to do is say two words “Excuse me” and I am back-tracking so quick it’s not even funny. He trained me to do that and I didn’t even realize it, lol.

Oh and He’s been training me to have an orgasm on demand. Apparently He’s been doing it and I didn’t realize it until very recently when He said a certain command over the phone and yeah…. that’s all she wrote, lol. His training can be really really fun 😉

I have noticed that even though He was training me to be the babygirl He wanted,  He was also training me to be the best person I can be. I’m really happy with who I’m becoming.

I still sometimes wonder how He knew how to train me and to do it so well,lol. He’ll say or do something and I’ll automatically respond a certain way. I’ll think out loud “where did that come from?” and He’ll chuckle and say He’s been training me to do that for so and so amount of time, lol.

He really is the perfect Daddy for me. He instinctively knows how to handle me, has from the very beginning.  I actually love knowing that He trained me to be His forever babygirl.  Forever babygirl…… I smile everytime I see that. ☺

 

Our journey….

Daddy’s topic for me today is our journey….

I never in my wildest dreams thought we’d be where we’re at today, lol. We were actually just looking for fwb (friends with benefits), lol. That’s how our conversations started out. Friendly, finding out about each other, finding out if we were sexually compatible, lol.

We just really seemed to click, get along well. He was easy to talk to, which for me was very unusual. I didn’t trust people. However, there was something about Him that made me feel comfortable enough to open up to Him, little by little. I remember I’d open up to Him about something and then kinda hold my breath, waiting for the judgement. Waiting for Him to run screaming in the other direction, lol.  He never did and I found myself opening up about things I hadn’t with anyone else.

I found myself thinking about Him all the time. Getting excited when He’d message me. Missing Him when we couldn’t chat and this was before I’d actually laid eyes on Him. I felt so comfortable with Him, like I’d known Him all my life. Even then He had this way of reading me, my moods, my fears. Even then He had this way of calming me.

I fell in love with Him before I’d ever even touched Him. He’d somehow touched my soul in a way that no one ever had and still does to this day. I’ve written about the day we met, the instant connection, that surge of something between us. The minute He touched me I felt something in me open up. I knew I’d been looking for Him.

At first He wasn’t my Daddy. We were just two people deeply in love. I was a mess and He was helping me find my way. But what neither of us realized, I was helping Him find his way to.

We were meant to be Daddy and babygirl, I have no doubt about that. He knew that part of me but felt it wasn’t His thing, lol. I loved Him enough where I was going to give it up. It turned out, I didn’t have to,lol.

I had mentioned to Him that He had many characteristics of a Daddy Dom, but didn’t think He’d really given it much thought. I was wrong about that. Just as I was willing to walk away from the lifestyle for Him, He was willing to try it for me.

It was unbelievable the way we both naturally went from just lovers to Daddy /babygirl. Never in my life did anything (other than my children) feel so right, so meant to be. I bloomed under His ownership. I felt a sense of safety, of love, of belonging…..that I didn’t even know existed. When He collared me, I knew I’d found my home. I knew I was where I belonged, where I was always meant to be.

Now it hasn’t been all roses, we’ve had our thorns, lol.  However, we’ve come out stronger each time. Our love and our connection deeper than before.

When I met Him I had so many walls up and without even noticing, they came crumbling down. I trust Him with all that I am and all that I’m becoming. I trust Him with my life. I trust Him with my Heart, body, and soul.

I’m so very excited about the next part of our journey. I’ve found the love of my life, I’ve found my forever Daddy. And as long as I breathe, I will honor Him and His Collar. I will never give Him reason to doubt my love or devotion to Him.  I am proudly His forever babygirl.

 

The gift of Dominance….

This is something  I came across that I love and also made me think……

 

THE GIFT…..

Everyone talks about the gift of the submissive. But what about the gift of the Dominant.

The gift of a true Dominant is accepting you for who you are, but still seeing you for what you could be. He gives purpose beyond your present. He offers a safe place to express your doubts and fears without worry of judgment. He offers peace and love, guidance and discipline. He loans His strength and courage when yours fails you.

 

You always hear about our gift of submission, very seldom about the gift of Dominance. Which surprises me, because  without one the other wouldn’t exist. They are two halves of a whole.

My Daddy is the greatest gift I’ve been blessed with besides my children. I still wonder what He saw in me when we first met that made Him stick around. I was such a complete mess. That He didn’t run screaming in the other direction still shocks me, lol.

I think when He first met me He saw what I could be. He’s never been blind to my faults, in fact He helped me to see some of them. But He instinctively knew what needed to be done to fix them and then went about helping me do just that. Some  of them were very hard for me to change. Some I still struggle with. However, he’s been patient with me.

He’s loaned me His strength and wisdom. Especially when my demons were screaming in my ear. He quieted them, soothed my soul. He’s the only person that’s ever been able to do that. Through it all He’s never judged me. My past isn’t the greatest but He’s always said the past is the past and to move on.

He’s also helps me calm down. I overthink and worry about everything. I can spin out of control easier than I’d like to admit. He grounds me, balances me. Brings me back to where I belong.

He has  a great sense of humor. He’s gifted with with laughter, and too many smiles to count, lol.

He’s gifted me His heart. I cherish that in ways He’ll never know.  His heart is one of the most precious things I’ve ever been given.

He’s always accepted me. That in itself is an amazing gift. Add the other things in and it shows what a truly amazing man and Daddy He is.

I’m so blessed that He’s chosen me as His forever babygirl. I’m so blessed He’s given me the gift of His dominance. I’m so blessed to be His.

 

Daddy’s always right….

How is it that Daddy is always right?   I mean like ALWAYS RIGHT. It’s uncanny. I always joke with Him that sooner or later the odds will be against Him and He’ll be wrong about something. So far, it’s always in His favor, lol.  I won’t even make a bet with Him about anything because guess what, I’ll lose, lol.

He’s especially right when it comes to other people’s behavior and character. I guess when it comes to reading people you would say I’m gullible or blind, I’m not sure how you’d put it. However, Daddy’s spot on every single time when it comes to reading people. Case in point, I ran into my ex fiance that I haven’t seen in 30 years today.

Of course I tell my Daddy about it. He asked what was said and within a few sentences tells me that my ex is interested in me.  I’m like, what gave you that idea? All we did was ask how each other was doing and that’s about it.  Daddy’s response was, I just know.  I tell Him, well I think you’re wrong. I don’t think I’ll ever hear from him again,  it was just a chance meeting.  Daddy says no you’ll hear from him again, he’s interested. It wasn’t 15 minutes later that I got a friend request on Facebook from my ex. I figured I’d never hear from him again but yet once again Daddy was right. He always is, LOL.

That’s a really good thing though because I am an awful judge of people’s character.  I get hurt very easily and used. Because of Daddy stepping in, protecting me, and saying something about a person’s character,  it has stopped me from getting hurt many times.  I tend to see the best in everyone and so does He but he also sees when somebody’s playing games and doesn’t go for that. He keeps me safe.

He’s right about so much more too. He has a way of looking at a situation, cutting through all the bullshit, getting to the core of it, and then making the right decision. I’m so happy He protects me, keeps me safe, and helps me make good decisions.

I guess it’s a good thing that the odds are always in His favor and He’s always right.  I know because of that that I’ll always be safe and taken care of.

Now if I could just get Him to give me the winning lotto numbers,  LOL.

 

My fantasy….

Daddy wants me to write about a fantasy I had. I’ve never wrote one that just anybody can read so I’m a little nervous, lol.

OK, I’ve been trying to write it and I’m having problems so I’m going to pretend that I’m telling it to my Daddy, lol.

This one starts where I’m already laying on the bed. You’ve already used Your mouth and fingers on me and I’ve squirted. You tell me to lay down so that my head is hanging over the edge of the bed. Of course I get into position quickly because I know what’s coming next and You know how much I love You in my mouth. I open up wide and slowly the head of Your cock passes my lips. I moan because You always taste so good to me.

Slowly You keep going, inch by inch filling my mouth. Fuck it feels so good. You get to the back of my throat where You feel that resistance and push Your way through. You feel my throat close around the head of Your cock tightly.  I grab Your ass trying to pull You even deeper, knowing how much You love that. You hold Yourself there until I start to struggle too much and then pull back to give me some air. You start to face fuck me, gently at first. I hear You tell me to play with Daddy’s pussy babygirl. I’m hesitant at first and You know why, but I quickly listen.

I feel how wet I am and slippery and I moan because it feels so good. You tell me to keep playing with myself and don’t stop, to be a good girl, because You’re getting ready to face fuck me hard. You start picking up speed and I start rubbing my clit faster.  Then I feel the bed move as You lean down and put Your hands on the bed, face fucking me hard and rough. I have tears streaming out of my eyes and I’m gagging, trying to breathe.  You pull back for a second and let me catch my breath.

Then You tell me to hold on because You’re not going to stop this time, You need to cum. You start slowly at first, quickly picking up speed.  You tell me to start rubbing Your clit quicker that You want to see Your babygirl cum. Of course I listen to You. You’re getting faster, harder, rougher, and I’m finding it harder to breathe. I feel myself getting ready to cum and You, knowing my body like You do, can tell. I hear You say cum for Daddy and I start squirting everywhere. You move Your   hands from the bed to my head and You hold my head still as I feel You getting harder in my mouth. I know what’s getting ready to happen and I can’t wait to taste my Daddy’s cum. I hear You moan as You push deep into my throat and feel the pulsing of Your cock as You cum. You empty Yourself down my throat and then pull out. You kiss my forehead and tell me that You’re very proud of me and what a good girl I am and that You love me.

I hope you like my fantasy Daddy

 

Wanting to please Daddy….

Wanting to please Daddy…..

It’s something that’s on my mind constantly. He’s given me and continues to give me so much and it’s extremely important to me that He’s happy and I please Him.

I feel good about myself when I do. When He asks me to do something , I do my very best hoping that I’ll hear a good girl from Him. I’ve never wanted to please someone like this before. I mean I like to make people happy, always have, but never to this extent.

It upsets me greatly when I feel I haven’t pleased Him. I dwell on it. Beat myself up about it. The bad thing is when I feel I can’t do something He’s asked of me. I feel awful. I’m worried about how to explain it to Him. Worried that in some way I’m being selfish. It eats at me. Makes me feel like I’ve failed Him in some way.

It’s a battle that I’ve had within myself more than I care to admit. If He asks me to do something that would cause me emotional pain, do I do it to please Him, ignoring how it would make me feel? Or do I tell Him how I feel and respectfully say I don’t think I can do it? My need to please Him makes me want to override the feelings of pain, but sometimes I can’t. Then I feel guilty about it.

I just know I want, no need, to please Him. I think about things I can do to make Him happy. When I do make Him happy, it in turn makes me happy. I want Him to be happy with me and proud of me. As happy and proud as I am with Him.